OTIS AND THE BIKE RIDE

I's Overdue For My 30 Day Evaluation

Monday, July 23, 2007 - Day 32

I was rudely and unhappily awoken today at 7:30 by the some obnoxious crows and the sudden and dire need to go to the bathroom. After racing over there and taking care of business, I thought briefly about trying to go back to sleep, but I know from experience that it hardly ever works out well, especially when there are so many other people around. So I stayed up. I needed a bit of time to wake myself up completely, and I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I put my headphones on and listened to some music.

It was nice to be in my own world as I got ready for the day. I ate some grits and packed up my gear and was actually ready to go by quarter to eleven. That's a change. So I rolled out of camp, said goodbye to Steve, who was staying on another day there at Harris Beach, headed up highway 101.

The morning was really foggy, and I ended up packing up some of my stuff while it was still a bit damp. Not a good idea. I was hoping that it would burn off quickly like it had yesterday, making for a beautiful afternoon. No such luck with that. As I pushed on, there were patches where the fog was scarce, but it would quickly return, often thicker than before. And much to my surprise, as I had been hearing from everyone lately going south that the wind was actually blowing toward the north, I was stuck in a headwind. I guess it changed direction last night. So I was biking through a chilly wind and some thick fog at times. By the time I got to Gold Beach, the fog was so thick that I was starting to get moisture condensation on me. I stopped in town to eat and try to get on the internet. Went to a cafe that said they had internet, ordered a hot chocolate in order to be a customer, pulled out my computer, but couldn't connect. I asked the girl behind the counter about it, and she said it was $2.50 to get online. What a waste! Bought that hot chocolate for nothing. I ended up going to the library to get online. The connection was very slow there, so I didn't spend much time. I just checked the email and made sure I knew where I was going.

I picked up some cash at an ATM because I didn't have $4 for camping tonight. After that I left town and headed out. As I got back into the fog and wind I started thinking about what I was doing and how I've been lately. Frankly, I've been depressed. Since the middle of last week I've wanted to cry, to have some release, but I've had none. I realized that I was starting to get stressed a bit. I had set a time limit for myself to get up to Portland. I want to be there by the 2nd to see my friends, the kids from Dusty Rhodes and the River Band, who are playing there that night. So for the last few days I have had in the back of my mind this deadline for when I must be up there. I thought about that deadline and what it was doing to me mentally. Here I am, just arrived to the part of the trip that I have perhaps been looking forward to the most, on the Oregon coast, on my bicycle. I realized that lately I have been stressed out. I have been stressed about money, as I am getting very close to running out. I have been stressed about making it to Portland before the 2nd. This poison oak has stressed me out immeasurably, as I don't feel comfortable talking to people anymore, as I have open sores on my face with dried and sometimes not dried puss. Every night it itches like crazy, or rather anytime I'm not riding. Even when I have been riding lately, I have been painfully aware of it, especially on my hand. In all my trying to be calm and rational about the whole matter, somehow I have managed to really make myself unhappy. I have also been stressed about my lack of emotional release. I have wanted so badly to get shit out that I haven't been able to really relax. It's so unproductive and counter-productive, really.

And so I thought about it, about the stress, about my situation, about where I am and where I am going. As I rode on and thought about this more, it finally hit me. I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing. I am living a dream in some ways. I'm exactly where I want to be doing exactly what I love doing. Some things are not working out how I have wanted them to, but that's the breaks. I biked up the motherfucking California coast, by myself. I have been doing nothing but biking and enjoying scenery and meeting new people for the last month. I thought about it and realized that I am not working for a stupid company that I don't respect, I don't have to be fake or falsely nice to anyone at all, I don't even have to talk to anyone if I don't want to. I don't have a boss or anyone else to treat me like an idiot. I am taking care of myself, with a little help from my friends, and I'm in an environment that I love.

I realized that I have plenty of time to make it to Portland, and if I don't make it there before the 2nd, well, that's fine. Who knows what I may come across as I travel up the coast. I may find some great place that pulls me in for a few days. This may be my only opportunity to see this landscape in this way, with such leisure and connection; I should savor every moment of it, as I had been a while ago. Shit, if it wasn't me doing this trip, I would be so envious of whomever I knew that was doing it. I have been so fortunate to be able to make this journey, to have great friends to help me get here, people who supported me 100% and even above that. This has been an amazing experience so far, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a few little inconveniences ruin the rest of it. This poison oak will go away. I hope that it does before I get to Portland, but if not, it will be gone shortly thereafter. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'll find a way to make some money, and there are people who will help me out if I find myself in a bind. I'm not going to starve. I just need to be a little smarter about my expenses and watch it more carefully. Time to get into thrifty mode, which I am actually very good at. I've stretched $15 over two weeks before, a few times. I'll have my emotional release at some point. It may be tomorrow, it may be a week from now, but it will come because it has to. The best thing I can do is relax, otherwise I'll just keep stiffling it inside. Most shit works itself out naturally. And the stuff that doesn't, well, you just find ways of dealing with it. I have the time, the resources, and the strength that I need to make this all work. Let whatever may come to come.

As I thought about all this today, it was around 5 or 5:30, it really was quite amazing. As these thoughts went through my head, as I evaluated the last few days of my adventure as well as the entire journey, much to my surprise, the fog was beginning to lift a little. Blue sky was emerging above the ocean, and the sun really showed itself for the first time today. It really made for some amazing views, and it reaffirmed my recent epiphany that everything will be alright. The sun will shine when it does, the rain will come when it does, and the wind will beat me in the face when it does. I'll still be pedalling my heart out and taking in everything as it's given to me. Tonight I'll set up camp and go to sleep, and tomorrow I'll keep on riding. And the same with the next day.

Now that I've arrived at camp, there are three other people here - Steffan from Switzerland, Heather from Canada, and Ian from Australia. I want to write about them, especially Ian, but I will save that for tomorrow, or perhaps a separate article altogether. For now, it's just about doing some reading and getting some sleep.

Music selections for today:
Beirut - Gulag Orkestar
Bob Marley - Mellow Mood
Cat Stevens - The Very Best of Cat Stevens